Yesterday between patient visits I mustered the courage to call the vet and schedule my beloved Barney’s journey back into spirit for 7:45 a.m. on Wed May 28th. Because of my work as a hospice chaplain I will see to it that Barney dies here at home in the arms of the one who loves him most, just as some of my patients are able to do. My baby boy deserves no less.
I will do all I can to give him the best four days possible. No more dry food! Only organic ground beef from Whole Foods and the remaining canned food I bought last week. 🙂
I have been sleeping next to him on the floor in the living room. Thursday night I lied there and wailed with grief. But he’s deaf, blind, and has so much difficulty walking… often he can’t stand at all, even to eat, and just falls over, so I know in my heart this is the right decision. As Sibyl and others of my dear friends have pointed out, Barney would likely not have survived my days away in Europe July 1-17. He’s maxed out on prednisone for the inflammation and tramadol for the pain. It’s time for his joyful, loving, intelligent soul to be released from his frail, suffering body. Right now though, as I cry and type, he’s lying on the floor at my feet looking so cozy and comfortable.
On Wednesday morning you’ll likely hear my wailing from wherever you are. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I gave him a wonderful life and he enriched mine beyond measure. I will miss him so. And I can’t imagine how much Romeo will miss him. Barney’s cat brother seldom leaves his side now. Often I come into the room and Romeo is there licking Barney’s head and face. It’s been like this for weeks. Romeo knows what’s happening. He sleeps right next to us on the floor, rubbing his head first against mine then against Barney’s. I’ve been advised by the vet that it is good for the other four leggeds to see their beloved friend dead so they too can get closure and not just wander around the house looking for their missing companion. In that tender hour or so after the vet leaves I will have Romeo there with us before we take Barney’s body away to be cremated.
Mom transitioned into Spirit in May of ’13 and now Barney in May of ’14. May is beginning to take on a whole new meaning… a tender, bittersweet, beautiful meaning… amidst warm sun and bird song, freedom from suffering at long last.
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